Mr Vinegar
Mr. and Mrs. Vinegar live in a vinegar bottle. One day, when Mr Vinegar was away, Mrs Vinegar, a perfect housewife, was busy sweeping the house when an unfortunate sound of the broom made the whole house make a clicking, clicking, clicking sound all around—her ears. In extreme grief, she rushed out to meet her husband.
When she saw him, she cried: “Oh, Mr. Vinegar, Mr. Vinegar, we are bankrupt. I have knocked down the house, and it is all in pieces!” Mr Vinegar then said: “My dear, let us see what we can do. This is the door; I will carry it back, and we will find our luck.”
They walked all day, and when night fell, they entered a dense forest. They were exhausted, and Mr. Vinegar said: “Honey, I will climb the tree, pull up the door, and you will follow.” He did so, and they both stretched their tired legs on the door and fell asleep.
At midnight, Mr Vinegar was disturbed by the sound of voices below and was horrified and disappointed to discover that it was a gang of thieves meeting to divide their loot.
“Here, Jack,” said one, “here are five pounds for you; Here, Bill, here’s ten pounds for you; Here, Bob, three pounds for you.”
Mr. Vinegar could no longer hear; His terror was so great that he trembled and shook the door above their heads. The robbers ran away, but Mr. Giam still did not dare to retreat until dawn.
He then crawled out of the tree and went to lift the door. What did he see but some golden guineas? “Come down, Mrs. Vinegar,” he cried; “come down, I said; Our luck has been made, our luck has been made! Get down, I said.”
Mrs. Vinegar rushed down as fast as she could, and when she saw the money, she jumped for joy. “Now, my dear,” she said, “I will tell you what you must do. There was a fair in a neighbouring town; You will take these forty guineas and buy a cow. I can make butter and cheese for you to sell at the market, and then we can live comfortably.”
Mr. Vinegar happily agreed, received the money and went to the fair. When he arrived, he walked back and forth and saw a beautiful red cow. It’s a tremendous milking machine and perfect in every way. “Oh,” thought Mr. Vinegar, “if I had that cow, I would be the happiest man alive.”
So he offered 40 guineas for the cow, and the owner said that, as a friend, he would help him. So the deal was done. He took the cow and drove it back and forth to show it.
A moment later, he saw a man playing the bagpipes – Tweedle-dum tweedle-dee. The children followed him everywhere, and he seemed to be pocketing money from all sides. Mr Vinegar thought: “Wow, if I had that beautiful guitar, I would be the happiest person in the world – my luck would be made.”
So he went to that man. “My friend,” he said, “that’s a great instrument, and you must make a lot of money.” “Oh, yes,” said the man, “I certainly make a lot of money, and it is a wonderful instrument.” “OH!” Mr. Vinegar exclaimed, “How I would like to own it!” “Oh,” said the man, “since you are a friend, I don’t mind parting with it; you will have it for that red cow.” “Finished!” Mr. Vinegar happily said. So, the beautiful Red Bull was given to the bagpipes.
He paced back and forth as he shopped but in vain. He tried to play a tune, and instead of pocketing a penny, the boys followed him, shouting, laughing, and throwing stones.
Poor Mr. Vinegar, his fingers became cold, and just as he was leaving town, he met a man with a nice pair of thick gloves. “Oh, my fingers are so cold,” Mr. Vinegar said. “Now, if I had those beautiful gloves, I would be the happiest man in the world.” He approached the man and said, “Dude, it looks like you have a nice pair of gloves.” “That’s right,” cried the man, “and my hands as warm as possible on this cold November day.” “Oh,” said Mr. Vinegar, “I want them.” “What will you give?” said the man; “Since you’re a friend, I don’t mind letting you have them to make bagpipes.” “Finished!” Mr. Vinegar exclaimed. He put on his gloves and felt extremely happy as he trudged home.
At last, he became exhausted when he saw a man approaching him with a stout stick.
“Oh,” said Mr. Vinegar, “I only have that stick! Then I will be the happiest man alive.” He said to the man: “Friend! What a rare good stick you have.” “Yes,” said the man, “I have used it for many miles, and it has been a good friend, but if you like it since you are a friend, I don’t mind giving it to you.” Mr. Vinegar’s hands were so warm, and his legs were so tired that he happily made the exchange.
As he approached the forest where his wife had left him, he heard a parrot in the tree calling his name: “Mr Vinegar, you idiot, you idiot, you idiot; You go to the fair and spend all your money to buy a cow. Not satisfied with that, you traded it for bagpipes, which you couldn’t play and weren’t worth a tenth of the money. You fool, you—no sooner did you get the bagpipes than you exchanged them for gloves, which weren’t worth a quarter of the money; and when you had got your gloves, you exchanged them for a poor stick; and now with forty guineas, the cow, the bagpipes, and the gloves, you have nothing to show for it but your poor stick which you might have cut in any hedge.” Hearing that, the bird kept laughing, and Mr. Vinegar got angry and threw the stick at its head. The post stuck in the tree, he returned to his wife without money, cow, bagpipes, gloves, or bar.
